The importance of communication about sex
by: Kory Stone/ Business Manager
Is our society ready to talk about sex? Sex should be talked about delicately and eloquently, not be something we blush and shy away from or, worse, condemn as destructive or amoral. It should be respected and given the amount of caution it deserves in protecting ourselves and each other. Toxic views and actions in sex may lead to stigmas through our lack of self-control to give into bad decision, possibly followed by disease, unwanted pregnancy, heart break or adultery. But there those amazing passionate relationships where sex is nothing but positive, whether it is a cordial friends-with-benefits relationship, a responsible one night of passion or a marriage where both are so open to one another that it mends the souls of those who embrace each other.
It is one of our most powerful motivational drives; our sexual needs and desires are a part of us. It was found by Dr. Terri D. Fisher, Professor of Psychology at OSU, that the average sexual thoughts in any given day for men was 34.2 and 18.6 for women. This is about the same as those on thoughts of food or sleep. Just as is eating and sleeping responsibly are part of a healthy lifestyle, so is sex. It lowers stress & blood pressure, boosts immunity and mood and develops intimacy, relationships & self-esteem, et cetera.
In addition, open and honest sexuality is linked to a higher mental health evaluation. “People who are into kinky sex may be psychologically healthier than those who are not,” says a new study performed by LiveScience. Researchers found that people who were involved in kink “scored better on certain indicators of mental health than those who did not bring kink into the bedroom… because they tend to be more aware of and communicative about their sexual desires, or because they have done some ‘hard psychological work’ to accept and live with sexual needs that are beyond the scope of what is often considered socially acceptable to discuss in the mainstream.”
But even if you are not open to more edgy sex, people who just use sexual communication during sex report being happier with their sex lives, according to research published in September 2012. Research reported by LiveScience states, “You don’t even have to use words: Some of the happiest participants were those who used nonverbal communication to tell their partners what they liked in bed.” But it is vital in order to have good sex that there be a good level of communication of some kind before, during and after sex.
We do not grow up hearing about what makes sex good; the most we get is the birds and bees talk from our parents once or twice, the anatomy of sex through school in about 5th and 9th grade and a blatantly inadequate example from the porn industry and media. Another LiveScience study showed analyzed magazine covers from 1983 to 2003 and found sexy mainstream publications rising from 15 percent to 27 percent. All this media-hyped view of sexuality without an understanding of sex or sexuality can lead to negative
consequences or false ideas of sex when we do not have open discussions to balance it with. But more open and honest communication has been shown resolve many issues including increasing responsible sex among teens if not delaying teen sex altogether, according to WebMD.
It is time we take back sexuality. Without smart, open communication about sex in our society, we will continue to see those negative social stigmas played out as well as having less than optimal sex.